Laying down in savasana, the ”corpse pose”, I am surprised by a bright ray of father Sun, reaching deep enough behind my eyes to heat up what is covered by the pure fantasy and imagination fueled by the input of my eyes.
Mum is sick. I am spending 3 weeks here on this land that saw me come to this world, learn to walk and venture into adulthood. Everything is questioned now; how we were picturing our lives the next 10 years, how quick this land will be sold, and even the plans for tomorrow and the day after. She is hospitalized, and an unpredicted turn of events that her body decided to take leaves us waiting in the unknown, once again.
Being here, I am immersed in the land of my roots, facing my fears of disappearance, mine and that of my loved ones, as well as my discomfort of the uncertainty of my own journey. I believe I need a plan, at least a direction. Yet as of now, I am blank. I am still looking at the empty page of my next chapter, yet to be written and lived.
I am looking around the land. While we, humans, along with the ageing animals and walls, are slowly, but certainly, decomposing, the trees and the flowers are the most vital ones. In the midst of spring they are now fully blooming, expressing the life force of the invisible, from inside the earth. Nature has its way to continue the journey and channel what ever vitality is left, although the soil looks tired and close to its last breath.
As I wander on the land looking for answers, I can’t find the direction I used to have in front of my eyes. I spend time talking, and sharing, and collecting impressions with the members of my lineage who have always stayed on or close to this land.
We humans are gifted with the capacity to comprehend parts of our world through our senses and intelligence. We learn, think, act, and exchange with each other in order to become richer – of experience, knowledge or tangibles.
The funny (or perhaps sad) thing is that we often get lost in the wonderful possibilities that our very human capacity gifts us with to the expenses of the most simple, yet the true richness.
As I let the sun come through my skin, and overwin the fearful impulse to leave the pose and go about my day and plans, I discover something new. What if the direction I am looking for is already here? What if I am asking the wrong questions, or actually just drop all questions I am asking right now?
Then, it is quite simple. Sickness, feeling lost, working… All of which is part of our interpretation of life. The true richness, then, is in this moment. As I am typing. As I am letting the inner impulse move through my fingers. As I am noticing the sun warming up my left hand. As I am allowing the warmth of my heart to host the vulnerability and, actually, a long-time sought for nourishment of being held by life.
We can allow the sun to touch us. We can allow life to find us. We can allow time to move us. We can allow this moment to nourish us. We can allow the mystery to live through us in each complex and simple form it takes. We can allow nature to guide us and return… home.
Cédric Gorinas © All rights reserved