Pride happened just over a week ago in Copenhagen. The whole city took on the rainbow colors and threw LGBTQIA+ parties and events: a salute to joy and unhindered self-expression.
Pride promotes inclusiveness and celebrates our interconnection despite differences. Non-heterosexual folks and behaviors have been bullied, oppressed, and even attacked for decades. 66 countries continue to ban same-gender relationships, and in some of those nations being queer or gay can lead to death penalty. Even in Western countries, homophobia persists. Some of us remember how homosexuality was criminal in Australia in the 80s and 90s. Two weeks ago, in France, three queer artists were attacked physically and verbally while performing. At a time where same-sex marriage is officially legal, becoming aware of how we keep rejecting differences continues to be crucially needed.
We humans have always had a difficult times dealing with differences. We judge others and righteously defend our view point or our way to go about life as superior, whether the other has a different sexual orientation, political opinion, race, ethnic culture, or even an unknown art expression or another way to spend their free time. We mistake different for weird, wrong, or even dangerous. Consequently, we exclude those who behave or think differently and dig a deeper gap between each other.
Pride reminds us of what is possible when we not only accept others’ differences but celebrate them. Instead of being ostracized, a minority that has suffered from discrimination, attacks, and exclusion becomes included in the larger whole.
Being out of the norm or different loses its relevance… Pride thus becomes a symbolic, yet tangible step to close the gap that keeps us separated – no matter what the “difference” is about.
The wound of separation
Yoga philosophy sees separation as a limiting belief that obstructs our view of our true nature. By definition, the ego needs separation to realize it exists. However, says yoga, if we hold onto it, separation hinders happiness and the realization of who we are.
Mayiya Mala specifically describes the “veil” that blocks our view and creates the belief that we are separate from each other. Until we consciously try to lift the veil of Mayiya Mala, we live according to our differences and can’t fulfill our deeper longing to belong. We think we are truncated from the whole while yearning to be united.
Ultimately, we’re all one and part of the same “material”: awareness. We each represent different facets and expressions of awareness through various behaviors, life paths, cultures, sexual orientations, opinions, etc. Our lives reflect the countless myriad of forms, tastes, and flavors in which consciousness manifests itself.
We can’t decide of every life situation or our own preferences (including sexual orientation) – and even less decide of those of others, but we get to chose how we respond to all of it. Thereby, we are the agents of our own life and can lift the unnecessary barriers we put between ourselves and the rest of the world.
If left unattended. the Mayiya veil or, we could say, the wound of separation will keep feeding conflicts, aversion, and perpetuating more separation.
For most of my life, I have felt different and separate in many ways. First, in my family (feeling like the odd one out). Second, in my hometown (too limiting). Then, in my native country (oh the Frenchies!); as a researcher in academia (I felt like an impostor); as a man (too sensitive, not straight); or as a foreigner living abroad for decades (no, I don’t have the typical “Danish look”!). And in many, many other ways.
The point is less about how I am different but, rather, about what I do about it.
Different, so what?
Yoga helped me understand how I participated in my own suffering. Although, indeed, I am singular in many ways, and sometimes it is hard, I have also started to experiment with what could happen if I dropped my separation narrative for a while.
Two years ago, I left my marriage, I quit my work, and I traveled the world with a small bag. Everywhere I went, I was a stranger – I was technically “different” and didn’t belong. Yet I felt free. I met great people and I also enjoyed being on my own and getting to know myself deeper.
I thought I would move to another country and start a whole new, different life. However, to my suprise, after 9 months, I felt it was time to move back to Copenhagen. I returned to a city and lots of people I knew, but some essential parts of my life were different: home and relationship. I taught yoga again, but even the way I did it felt different. Somehow, “same” and “different” could coexist – being different did not matter so much anymore.
When she came to visit during the summer, my French niece asked me: “Don’t you feel lonely here sometime?” My direct answer was:”No”. Sometimes, I watch my thoughts and emotions, swirling and telling me stories of not belonging where I am. Yet, frankly, as soon as I center myself and try to drop the story of separation that I used to believe so strongly, I can see how I belong – to nature, to the society and the world around me, and ultimately to my own life.
I can disagree or be disappointed by others, I can experience fallouts in my relationships, and I can get angry at others. I can mess up. But in the end, the only place I can return to is myself.
If I stop judging myself for being “wrong” or “different”, what am I left with?
The possibility to meet life, including others, as they are.
My job is to stay true to who I am, my values, my preferences, and to maintain a sense of center. I can fall back into the old belief, but I can also come out of it again.
That’s the only difference that matters, perhaps.
So, dear one, I invite you to be proud. Be proud of who you are, even though some of your ways to be in the world are “queer” in the litteral meaning of the term: odd, out-of-norm, hard for others to understand.
Let’s help each other to include those who live in a minority, be interested in their experience and their story, without needing to fix or save them.
Let’s be aware of our differences and make them strengths rather than problems.
Thank you for showing up in life the way you do.
Always happy to support you. Reach out if I can.
With love,
Cédric
